The Guru Jagat Documentary

thoughts on my chapters with Kundalini Yoga

I don’t usually post about “trending” topics, mainly because I am the sort of person who doesn’t pick up on trends until a few months (or, more likely, years after the fact.)  I don’t have the time to stay current, if that makes any sense.  Par example: I didn’t get around to reading the first Harry Potter book until 2003.  

But because I was once peripherally part of the Kundalini Yoga craze, and because so many of my friends and yoga colleagues were and/or still are, I wanted to share some thoughts in the wake of the very-much-trending HBO documentary “Breath of Fire” about the rise and fall of a KY icon called Guru Jagat.

I met Guru Jagat a few times--once when she was still calling herself Katie, and again when she had become full-on Guru Jagat. I sensed right away that, even as Katie, she was very magnetic.  Buddhists would say she had the quality or “activity” of magnetizing.  I’ve always had a weird hyper-sensitive radar for magnetizing people-- probably because I have so little of that quality myself.  I am fascinated by this quality, but also admittedly still do not understand it.  To me, it feels a bit dangerous, but this is part of my misunderstanding, I’d think. More on that another time. 

Divas are usually magnetizers. So are many actors, performers, artists.  So are narcissists. Even though I am kind of a singer, my nature--my energetic “quality”-- is more that of a writer. Most writers tend not to be magnetizers; they just secretly yearn to be.  I am aware of this in myself and need to stay very mindful of my motivation at all times. 

Anyway,  I’ve just always observed that a lot of Westerners--mostly Americans--who have mastered magnetizing and who use this quality in the wrong way can and will often self-implode.  This is because, in my humble opinion, if we use our powers of magnetizing--or, as the LOA people like to say, of “manifesting”--for our own good only; if we use these powers to get ahead, to make money, to “beat” the “competition,” then it will backfire.  Magnetizing--again, from the Buddhist view--is a sacred quality meant to be used in a spiritual manner for the benefit of all beings.  The best magnetizers I know are my Tibetan masters.  They can very quickly manifest funds and support for things like new dharma centers, medical clinics, stupa projects, etc.  All of these activities are meant to benefit all beings. 

Stories--or myths, if that’s your view--of what happened to civilizations like Atlantis should have taught us that if we use these spiritual powers in the wrong way, there will be destruction.   Money should not be the sole motivation. Ever.  Nor should fame or glory. Hasn’t every avatar through the ages been trying to tell us this? 

Anyway,  Guru Jagat, when I met her, was magnetic, large (energetically), bright, feisty, commanding, and kind.  She was the kind of person who filled rooms and also brightened rooms.  We met at one of the annual White Tantric Winter Solstice events down at some dude ranch in Florida. (Do not be swayed by the mention of “dude ranch.” White Tantric festivals are powerful, purifying, activating, increasing, subduing and--yes--magnetizing. Any essence of dude or ranch is completely transmuted into high, radiant energy by the intense kriyas we all practiced together--as one--during those five days.) When we met, I was surprised to learn that she had heard of me. That she knew my music.  (This always surprises me, because one old part of me tends to assume that no one listens to my music, and another old part of me has learned to be okay with that...with not being heard....but this is another long story. Suffice to say I also have a part--an Inner Tara--who is wise enough to be mindful of these other Parts). My Inner Tara reminded me that my new CD was for sale at the Spirit Voyage table inside the festival bazaar tent, and that I was scheduled to sing on the final night of the festival, so it was natural that Katie might have heard of me.  

I did not know who she was, but honestly this is because I rarely know who anyone is, because I am not on social media and do not have any fingers on the pulse of current events, or pop culture, or What’s Hot or the LA Kundalini scene.  (Yes, I read the New Yorker and occasionally the Times, and I listen to NPR, but I would call myself “informed Lite.” ) She told me she was a KY instructor in California and I said I could tell she was really good at it, because I could feel her radiance pulsing off her.  Or something like that.  I always say weird and honest things at yoga retreats, because where else can we truly be ourselves?  

Katie seemed pleased that we had met, and she did not seem annoyed that I was not aware of her LA-celeb status, and, for the remainder of the festival, we would stop and chat if we ran into one another. Or share a meal.  She was warm and relatable. One was able to attune to her. 

And also keep in mind that, after a few days of White Tantric, everyone becomes more relatable because everyone gets closer to their truer, non-constructed selves.  Everyone is both more loveable and/or more able to love after a few days in retreat.

And please don’t think I am trying to say anything negative about her--I thought she was great in my limited experience with her.  I am not writing this post because I want to  jump on some cancel bandwagon.  Nor am I writing this post to comment at all on the conspiracy stuff (which I was not aware of until the HBO documentary) because...well, because: conspiracy.  I do not want to get algo’d in that direction.   I just want to clarify that I saw GJ as a fellow human on the path. And as humans in this realm we are all so susceptible to the poisons of life in a human body--the poisons of capitalism, of patriarchy, of misogyny, of samsara, of our own mental kleshas.  

I still don’t understand how or why it is so easy for people to tip. To topple. To veer so far off their paths.  

I started doing Kundalini Yoga in around 2003 or so, at the encouragement of a very hip and very spiritual NYC doctor who always encouraged his patients to try things like breathwork and mantra if we did not want to opt for drugs.  (I won’t tell you his name because he is quite famous as an integrative psychopharmacologist and stopped taking new patients about 20 years ago).  At that time in my life I was being pulled under by a suicidal depression, so I had to get very serious about getting to know the workings of my own mind, conditioning, habituations, bio chemistry, typology, etc.  I was already a Buddhist practitioner at that point, and had already taken the Bodhisattva vow, and was already hooked on chanting mantras, and already more aligned with yoga, shamanism, energy medicine and Eastern medicine (Tibetan, TCM, Ayurveda) than I was anything the Western doctors had to offer me. So it was not a big leap for me to delve into Kundalini Yoga.  I lived in NYC at the time and started attending the traditional and no-frills “Kundalini Yoga East,” quite near NYU, where I was teaching creative writing.  I loved it. I loved the intensity of the kriyas. I loved the feeling of having all this fresh prana circulating through my energy system as my channels became unblocked. I loved the uplifted vibrational sensation of wearing only natural fibers in the pure color white--even though the color white looks awful on someone with my skin tone.    That year, balancing my mind became a full time job of sorts, and with KY and my other practices, I made it through that year alive.

I continued to practice KY and recited KY mantras on a daily basis for several years.  I loved reciting mantras while doing mudras--it was quite a different experience--dare I say trip?-- from the way we chant in my Buddhist practices. (In Vajrayana Buddhism, we almost always chant mantras while visualizing yidams...so the KY mantras were more like the action mantras from Tibetan mantra healing. More on mantra-healing later...) 

I lead KY mantras at my kirtans.  I started writing for the Spirit Voyage website (a terrific resource for all things KY) as an infrequent blogger.   I even released my first album of mantras through Spirit Voyage Records, and sang informally at a few of the 3HO solstice events (as already noted).

At one point, after I had moved up to the Hudson Valley,  I considered doing teacher training, because there were no KY classes in my area in those days and no one--if you can believe it--was offering classes online.  But when I tuned in to my inner wisdom to see if KYTT was my path, I got a clear “no.”   Thank goodness I didn’t, because it likely would have been with Harijivan, who had a small sangha in upstate NY.  

I was aware that some people thought of KY as a cult--primarily because of the uniform style of dress?--but we Buddhists tend to take our own experience of things into consideration. And my experience with the practice was not culty. But nor was I in any kind of inner circle. I tend to be a periphery person.  I did not take Amrit.  I did not take Yogi Bhajan as a guru, even though he seemed tapped in. All I did was experience the teachings and practices as profound and authentic and beneficial. There are many kriyas I still recommend to clients.  

And, given what’s trending right now, I should point out that KYE was not the sort of studio that was pushing “prosperity consciousness” the way the LA studios were. The core teachers were unpretentious and kind old-time students from the YB Espanola days.  Their studio felt more traditional--the teachings hadn’t been millenial-ized.)

But getting back to Guru Jagat:  When I ran into her again at another winter she seemed different. She was full-on Guru Jagat with a magnificent white Fillyboo dress, Prada sunglasses, super cool cowboy boots, ginormous earrings and an actual entourage.  I said hello to her but her gaze swept past me, as if she did not recognize me, or chose not to.  This used to happen to me a lot--people not recognizing me--and I think it’s related to whatever part I may be unconsciously projecting at the time.  I wasn’t conscious of this until I was in my 20s, I think. Sometimes, at big festivals, I would try to make my energy small so that I’d be less visible. As a child, I found safety in being unseen and invisible.  Some of you will know exactly what I mean. Some of you will think this sounds bonkers.  I am fine with all of that....the lojong slogan says “Drive all blames into One.”

Again, our only job is to be aware of ourselves--of our minds, of our energy, of our motivation. 

The main thing I noticed was that Guru Jagat’s energy, in that moment, was not radiating outward.  She seemed to be pulling more energy into herself.  Or something. Again, I don’t understand how this kind of magnetizing works.  Was it that the adoration of her entourage--and thus the energy they flowed toward her--made it seem as though the current was flowing only in her direction?  I mean, how is it that true Divas have the power to unite everyone in a room and make those everyones feel fantastic in that moment? Is it simply because when we love others and shower them with adoration and hope we are all in the flow of Love? 

And does the self-destruction of the Diva archetype lie in the fact that they don’t love us back? Beware the artist who hates his fans.  Those seem to be the ones that die of addictions. But this, again, is another large topic. 

Maharaji famously told Ram Dass to “love everyone.” But maybe the plague of the narcissistic mind is that a full narcissist can truly only love himself or herself?

I stopped doing KY full time around 2017.  I don’t really recall exactly when...usually I will do a practice until my system feels “complete” with it.  This hasn’t been a do-only-one-thing lifetime for me.  Plus, I had many new additional Vajrayana commitments by then, and my inner wisdom was guiding me back toward hatha yogas, as well as the energy practices of Qi Gong and NeJang. I had also connected with a Tibetan amchi whose teachings were already starting to have a big impact on the trajectory of my path.  Most of the practices I was doing involved a certain level of dissolution of the self. I wasn’t interested in becoming a “power manifestor” or in attracting gobs of money or strenghtening a persona. I wanted a more quiet and uncluttered form of expansion, beyond the personality.

When the memoir Premka came out in early 2020 and Yogi Bhajan was exposed as an abuser of women, most--if not all--of my good friends within the KY community were shocked and devastated.  Many were completely crushed.  Most of my musician friends who sang KY music immediately dropped their spiritual names  or at least dropped the surnames “Kaur” or “Khalsa.”  I remember that I stayed out of the conversation at the time.  Again, I’m not on social media much, so I did not post any “public reactions.”  I sent messages of support to my close friends and prayed that everyone would find peace within. 

I do remember that my friend Radharani (another close spiritual friend who teachers another form of KY) asked how I was feeling about the whole thing--about yet another male spiritual leader being exposed as yet another misogynist. And I said something to the effect of: I’m trying to separate the teachings from the teacher.  (And here I should clarify that I don’t support or celebrate any man who systematically abuses women). But I had I guess it’s a bit like separating the art from the artist.  But it’s not quite the same. Will I ever see a Woody Allen film again? Hell, no.  But will I do a KY kriya if my system tells me I would benefit? I don’t know.  I suppose if I felt Yogi Bhajan’s energy stream within the practice—or any kind of inauthentic taint—I’d step away from that practice. Or job is always to stay mindful and aware.

I have an aquaintance who said she stopped doing KY (meaning, the RAMA/Harijiwan school of KY) because she said the energy felt too manipulated. That comment always stayed with me.

Since seeing the documentary (the first two episodes), I have been questioning just what it is about this particular style of LA KY--if it can be called that--that feels so off?  Is it that some of these practices---due to their inherent efficacy and power--could encourage a very detrimental spiritual bypass? 

I recognize that, here in Western culture, many people are so messed up by being raised in old-school and capitalist systems that they--we--gravitate toward yoga because of a need to cultivate a strong sense of self--a healthy self esteem.  We needed to overcome our feelings of worthlessness.  The authentic yogas and practices will bring us back to a state where we understand our true nature and our inherent worth.  And from that point we can start dissolving this sense of a fixed individual self and understand that all are One. It's like a journey from “I am noone” to “I am someone” back to “I am noone because I am One.” A lot of us have had to rebuild ourselves. A lot of us have walked through the fires.

(Most of my Tibetan and non-Western  friends do not follow this same trajectory, because they were usually raised with a sense of the inherent Oneness). 

Anyway, what is the trajectory of this Harijiwan version of Prosperity Kundalini Yoga?  (And please note that the KY taught by YB is/was not the even “real” KY either). 

In the Tibetan Buddhist traditions, one is not even allowed to do the advanced practices until one has accomplished all the intense preliminary practices. These preliminaries can take years, but the point is to purify oneself enough to be able to handle the advanced practices. Without the preliminaries, it would be like putting a 200 watt bulb in a cheap Walmart lamp that can only handle 25 watts. There is danger of energetic burnout.  If your channels are blocked, the energy cannot pass through.  We know this, and we respect this.  And our teachers guide us. 

So maybe the problem with this new style of KY is that the teachers are too focused on “prosperity” and not focused on whether the students are actually ready for, say, an advanced Sudharshan kriya.  I don’t know the answer. I can only observe that, as a Buddhist, we’re taught that it is not skillful to place receiving above giving.   And it’s not skillful for a teacher to cultivate the sort of super-sonic ego we sometimes see in the yoga world. Whenever I saw Guru Jagat on Instagram (that is to say, all the time), I found myself worrying about her. It seemed as though her persona was taking over her personhood.   I eventually had to mute RAMA on IG in 2019 or thereabouts, because I was just getting too many posts. And the energy felt a little sinister.  So I missed the whole conspiracy theory phase. And yet, in her prime, she was absolutely an influential teacher who helped many people. 

When I heard that Guru Jagat had died in such an unexpected way, I remember having a thought pass through my mind: that her life had been cut short in order to prevent her from accumulating any additional negative karma.  I don’t mean for that to sound like a criticism; nor am I describing her death as a punishment. It could be that her  untimely death was a form of liberation? I don’t know...I chanted Akaal for her, and the Amitabha mantra, just like many others.  May all beings ascend to the purest of lands.

Some people might watch this documentary and be completely freaked out by Kundalini Yoga. To them I would say: trust your own experience. 

I am not editing this piece....and I haven’t seen the remaining two episodes, which I assume will focus on the conspiracy stuff. 

I may have to return to this piece and revise...so let me know if something needs clarification.

Take care, good people, and hold firm to your true natures :)

#gurujagat #kundaliniyoga #yogibhajan #breathoffire #hbo #3ho #harijiwan